She begins to exhibit her fractured online presence by showing you everything from nice photos and silly comics to a sometimes morose blog, tweeting randomly at you as you pass.
I do not make food, I do experiments. My favorite thing as a child? Stacks of Oreos coated in cream cheese.
Okay, so yesterday I killed my cookie mixer with one stick of butter, and that was tragic because I finally hit the perfect recipe for my sugar cookies and had some eggs that were going to be outdated soon (HA! Story of my life! BOOM! I’m getting old, boys, you know you want your kids to have a 50% chance of developing vascular weirdness.) and I made the greatest cookies of my life since the Crisco cookies I can’t find the paper for. Or butter-flavor Crisco.
There’s that, the guacamole on Oscar night, and the grilled cheese with leftover onions.
I CAME UP WITH THAT. I SAID, I HAVE BEEN WORKING ALL DAY, LET’S PUT SOME ONIONS ON THAT GRILLED CHEESE.
Because in recent years my cousin and I have apparently switched bodies and I can’t quite eat cheese anymore.
I call dibs on the idea that a guilt-ridden old Jar Jar will sacrifice himself Cherno Alpha-style in Star War VII to make up for basically screwing over the Republic by granting Palpatine emergency powers and ultimately being responsible for the Clone War, and, of course, all the people who had to die in front of Luke.
Remember you read it here first.
Also yes, I made a Pacific Rim crack because deep down I would rather Guillermo Del Toro direct the new Star Wars movies.